It's a Shoe Fight And It's Not About Manolo Blahniks

One thing the world has learned from "Sex and the City" is that shoes are much more than mere footwear. One doesn't simply wear one's shoes. One loves them. And one lives in them. Shoes are a world that fashionable men and women inhabit: a kind of portable apartment that children, pets and annoying relatives are not allowed to visit.

People who love their shoes live their life as if it were an expensive Caribbean vacation. That is why Sarah Jessica Parker alias Carrie Bradshaw always feels like she's walking not on air, but, much more literally, money.

Extensive research into the social structure of Ancient Rome has led some Classical scholars to reinterpret the old Latin proverb Omnia mea mecum porto. For centuries, this old saying was translated as "I carry all my possession with me." It implied that our intellect is our most precious possession.

New evidence, however, suggests two different ways of reading this ancient pearl of wisdom: "All that I have, I invest in my sandals" or "I wish I could carry all my sandals with me." In view of the newly discovered Roman obsession with shoes, stoicism is currently undergoing a radical reappraisal.

What's the big deal?

Manly men -- who, according to a very reliable Deutsche Welle source on current trends, are back in the game again, since the metrosexual crowd seems to have wasted its 15 minutes of glory on unnecessary facial peels and eyebrow plucking -- always liked to make fun of women for their shopping habits and obsession with fashion.

Manly men could never understand how shoes could become objects of affection. They always equaled footwear with a particularly bizarre form of fetishism that is often encountered in those disturbing works of art known as the French cinema.

Although, times are changing.

Winds of change

Members of the German national soccer team -- the manliest and most heroic of all Teutons -- have broken the new ground by standing up for the men who love their shoes.

The team, which put a big, cheesy smile on their country's face by winning third place in the World Cup this summer, threatened to boycott the game against Sweden, scheduled for Wednesday, if not allowed to wear their own shoes.

Some of the soccer players are, namely, sick and tired of the deal that the German Soccer Association has with Adidas, which stipulated that the players must wear exclusively the shoes made by the German footwear maker and soccer sponsor until 2010. The horror! It's like telling Sarah Jessica Parker to wear only Dr. Scholl's for four years.

Doctor who?

War of the shoes

This unheard-of attack on the soccer player's inborn right to feel comfortable and look fabulous while kicking the ball could easily escalate into a real shoe war.

After several rounds of serious negotiations with their soccer association, the players agreed to play the match against Sweden, after all. But they set a new ultimatum for the management to figure out how to get out of its contract with Adidas, Sept. 2. On that day, Germany play Ireland in a European Cup qualifier.

"We owe it to our fans, not to get out on the pitch with a decimated team," said Theo Zwanziger, president of the German Soccer Association.

Come Sept. 2, we may see a more colorful and diverse collection of footwear on the soccer pitch. Or -- if things go terribly wrong -- a bunch of manly men fighting for their rights in high heels, carrying a poster which says: "Sarah Jessica Parker is on our side."